I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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