the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
me + whiskey = a bad person
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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