Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
