Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
