You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
