My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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