just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My vagina just recognized that song.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
