who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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