I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This baby is an asshole
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
