This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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