Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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