Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Randomize
