You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
