you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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