Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im six kinds of drunk right now
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
