I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
