oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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