Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
