I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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