If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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