1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
