I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
