I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
