How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
