you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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