their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
