Define "chronic" masturbator.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
