So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
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He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
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It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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