Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
