ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
