is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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