i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
