my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
