they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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