opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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