Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
