What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I look better un-naked...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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