About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
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You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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