I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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