my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
