I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
