roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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