i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
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