u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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