Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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