Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You were trust falling into bushes
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
