She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
two words...techno handjob
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
