i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
