My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Mom said you looked used
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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