This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
