Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you win again, gameday.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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