Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
