The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
