Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
