i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
