Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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