I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
