he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
