Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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