How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
