She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
