I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
