I'm lost and stupid without you.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
