I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
