My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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