Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
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Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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